One Stupid Person on Valentine's Day Coming!!

Stupid Person....Manusia Bodoh....call it anyway you like. Because that's me now. So true if you say that I'm a 'stupid person', especially when I fall in love. Yup...I think it's the 'Big' issue right now (with capital B, red letter, underlined, haha). I'm deeply in love. Kinda surprised me, actually. It's the feeling I never had before. Not with K* and O** (if you've been my friend all this time, I think you should know who they are). This time, I'm even willing to do everything for him. WOW! It did scares me. A lot!!, if I must say. He got the power to influence me terribly and make my heart, and head, in total disarray. And I got to stepped away from him this instance *click* (picturing me clicking my thumb and middle finger, ha) because the image of him controlling my mind kinda make me terrified.

Lately, I had a strange feeling that he is fading away. And I really missed him -so very much miss him- until just a memory of his joke or a picture of him on my mind or a smell of vanilla scent or the sound of his favourite songs made me cries. I looked up to him and see him as a high quality person, sometimes with adoration maybe. Because he's the only person who can inspires me to write some poems (three poems to be exact); the only person I ever sent a valentine message (and not reply to it, as you might guess); the only one who can make me laugh (and cry, if I might say, but that doesn't count because I've been a sentimental person myself); the only one who makes me think about 'the big picture' and makes me grow up, a little bit; the only one who can make me calm just with his words; the only man whom I shared my deepest secret with; the only one person that I've ever get the courage to confess my true feeling to him (guess you know the answer); the only one man who I can shared my love to "Friends" with (since he's been a "Friends" fans himself); and the only one who makes me know what love really felt (tell you the truth, love can be sucks sometimes). And as a stupid person as I could be, I did something that makes me think of him more, like bought myself a cassette from his favourite singer or smell a vanilla scented candle over and over again. But I love my feeling when I'm with him, on very rare occasion. A happy, sad, loving, warm and tender feeling I never know I had before. That's why I just can't stop loving him.

We come from a different world. But, deep inside, I know he's just like me, a person whose longing for some love and care. Not to mention that I'm more than willing to give all that loving and caring he'll ever need, but -sadly- he doesn't see me, at least he doesn't see me as a woman. He only sees me as a child (who trapped into a woman's body maybe). I try to be strong and try harder not to cry everytime I see him with someone else, but many times I allowed myself to get weak and cry.

Well...If he'll ever see this, I think he will know that it's him. And I just want to thank him on this special day. Thanks for the time we had together. Thanks for all that you've become. And thank God our path crossed. Maybe you just were meant to mature the childness in me, no more than that. And if you don't feel the same way as I do, please be kind to pretend that you're not reading this. This writing has been the hardest one I ever write, because I promise myself it'll be the last time I write about him. I decided to let him go. Besides, who knows, someday he'll be back into my head and life. I want to say, "...into my heart" but I can't because he still owns it. I know I'll get over him. As soon as forever is through (just like TOTO in their song "I'll be over you" say). Problem is, I don't know how long "forever" gonna takes. If someday I'll ever write something for someone, I hope it's for someone who loves me back.